A peek inside...

   It’s haunting, following my every move. In the mirror, in my shadow, in my mind; it’s infused within my very being, darkly shadowing the innermost part of me. It runs inside my very blood, tainting every cell that lives. I try to snuff it out, drown it, override it, ignore it, or argue it away. But it won’t go. It stubbornly creeps up again, winding its deathly fingers around any ray of hope that might dare show itself. It has a screaming whisper, suffocating everything with it’s silent raucous. It’s forever there in my mind, ready to bury with an explosive avalanche. Slowly it weaves it’s net of death within me, ready to trap everything that comes through. It’s one of the most powerful tools of the devil, and I’m far too weak and stupid to fight it.

   Insecurity

   It’s always drowning out the truth, using doubt as it’s key tool. The thick cloud fights endlessly to smother the warming rays that the He blows into me. It refuses to give in; and sometimes, for a short while, it gloats with a sneer of hateful vengeance for it’s temporary victory. But it cannot and will not last. His strength is mightier, and His truth pierces the vilest storm cloud.

   I am a child of the Most High, the Living King

   It shoots me down time and again with reminders of my imperfections, and my fear that I’m not good enough. It whispers that I could be better if I were different in so many ways, flinging lie after lie inside my vulnerable and tainted heart. I’m not thin enough. I’m not beautiful. Compared to this person or that person I’m nothing. I’m too filthy and disgusting to be loved and accepted. There’s always someone who’s better.

    My Father made me.
   
   Just the way I am
   
   He looks upon me as the most priceless treasure one could ever own, because I am crafted perfectly by His hands

   It tells me that my heart doesn’t matter. My soul is only a distant memory, a myth that will fade like the mist. The worldly things are what matter. It tries to distract my focus, keeping my mind running at break-neck speed so I don’t have time to meditate upon the deeper spiritual things. It uses the world, and the demands of the physical, to put a barrier between Him and me. Am I good enough? Will I be accepted? Will they like me? It shoots those questions at me like missiles, trying to keep me astray by constant doubt and fear. It haunts me, and keeps me running for a hopeless and utterly impossible goal.

   This is temporary. My King will reign forever

   There is another dimension that I must not let slip through my fingers

   There is something much more than this fake, empty layer that the world lives upon, and I was lovingly breathed into being for so much more

   Yes, I struggle with it. Insecurity weighs me down at every turn, stopping me with its slimy lies. I battle with it every day, hopelessly fighting to believe that I am good enough, that I'm acceptable. Desperately trying to understand that I am beautiful now, not necessarily on the outside but on the inside; my heart, my soul, and the core of my being. I may try, but I always find that I cannot. Not on my own.

   It takes my Maker, the potter who has molded every bit of me, to show me the light and the truth. It takes Him to break the rain cloud and cause the sun and the beauty of the rainbow to shine forth. He must save me from wallowing in my own desperations and hopelessness, as I cause myself to sink closer and closer to destruction by my own fruitless efforts. This is His truth:

   I am re-made

   The slate is wiped perfectly clean, and there is not a speck to taint it. I have been washed with His blood, and I am good enough because of His redemption