Thoughts from my thoughts...

    As I was writing in my journal this afternoon I was thinking about how EXTREMELY jealous I am for my future husband. I pray regularly for him and that he might keep himself whole for me and for the Lord, and that he stays pure and undefiled. Even though I have no idea who he is I pray that he keeps himself for me and me only, and that I might be the only one who will own him second to the Lord. I don't want any of him, not even a tiny part, to ever belong to anyone else.

    I feel this deeply, desperately praying that he save himself. How much more, then, is my Heavenly Father crying out to me? The extent to which he yearns for my heart to be His and His only must be infinite compared to what I feel!! I know He deeply longs for my heart, and yet I betray Him at every corner. I can only imagine how broken I would feel were I to be betrayed, and yet I do it to Him all the time, and so easily. I want my husband to be faithful, but He absolutely deserves my faithfulness. How much worse then is my treason!!

    This all just causes me to think twice about what place the Lord should own in my heart. In fact, He shouldn't be in a place. He should be in every part, filling even the tiny cracks. He is more jealous for me than words could ever express, and so much more than I could ever comprehend. His pain at my unfaithfulness is infinitely deep, beyond anything that this world could ever understand.

    I should spend every bit of my life saving my heart, whole, for Him, painstakingly guarding it and keeping it pure from the filth of this world.