As I was writing in my journal this
afternoon I was thinking about how EXTREMELY jealous I am for my
future husband. I pray regularly for him and that he might keep
himself whole for me and for the Lord, and that he stays pure and
undefiled. Even though I have no idea who he is I pray that he keeps
himself for me and me only, and that I might be the only one who will
own him second to the Lord. I don't want any of him, not even a tiny
part, to ever belong to anyone else.
I feel this deeply, desperately
praying that he save himself. How much more, then, is my Heavenly
Father crying out to me? The extent to which he yearns for my heart
to be His and His only must be infinite compared to what I feel!! I
know He deeply longs for my heart, and yet I betray Him at every
corner. I can only imagine how broken I would feel were I to be
betrayed, and yet I do it to Him all the time, and so easily. I want
my husband to be faithful, but He absolutely deserves my
faithfulness. How much worse then is my treason!!
This all just causes me to think
twice about what place the Lord should own in my heart. In fact, He
shouldn't be in a place. He should be in every part, filling even the
tiny cracks. He is more jealous for me than words could ever express,
and so much more than I could ever comprehend. His pain at my
unfaithfulness is infinitely deep, beyond anything that this world
could ever understand.
I should spend every bit of my life
saving my heart, whole, for Him, painstakingly guarding it and
keeping it pure from the filth of this world.
